Being vs Doing…..

I think the main reason I don't follow the typically-used trend for performance coaches is because I've sat through literally half a million auditions during my 31 years as a film and television casting director. In that environment, you learn that "performance" is cheap and common and you can spot it immediately. And it's ineffective for the same reason it is in life: no one believes you because you don't believe you, while you're doing it. In that regard, it’s almost a scam! You're trying to attain something or get somewhere. And in the process, you reaffirm that there’s distance between you and what you want. You tip us off that you're not already there, that you don't already have it, and that someone has to give it to you in order for you to get it. You're a wannabe, and you're engaged in a gambit. That places the person from whom you want something in a position of charity. But there's no win in it for them.

What we REALLY respond to is someone who has something to actually share, not something to which they aspire. When you aspire toward something, it's understood that you don't currently have it. But when you have something to share, you radiate. And having watched it over and over again and seen it’s impact on my clients, it’s more than palpable and powerful.

I knew instantly when an actor came in with something to give instead of get. And we know it too when we see it during a business pitch, outreach, or job interview because you can't fake it.

Watch Rachel McAdams' audition for the film "The Notebook," which you can see on YouTube. You see a woman who's been up reading the script all night, and she KNOWS who this character is. She already loves and understands her and can't wait to advocate for her in the audition room when she walks in. She's barely looking at the people in the room and she doesn't want to talk about the part, she just wants to "go." You can feel that her finish line isn't getting the job, because that's not even in her field of concerns. She wants to give birth to the creative vision that is spilling out of every pore in her body and let it go, so that it finally exists for however long the moment of "beingness" lasts. That's all she cares about.

All that's left for director Nick Cassavetes and co-star Ryan Gosling to do is get out of her way and allow her a part that was always meant to be hers all along. No one can give her anything she doesn't already have, and no one can take anything from her she wasn't already willing to lose. She's impervious to all of it because the alignment she has is not with something external to her. It's with what lies within her to give. And that's what makes the difference. I call it "being" vs. "doing." And it shifts the power of the room so that the people who were in the power/granting position, change places with the one who was seemingly in the “wanting” position.

I used to audition Bryan Cranston a lot in the '80s and cast him a few times too. And every time he'd come in, he'd pester me with questions about what the client wanted, "what's the client looking for on this one," and lots of talk designed to turn an uncontrollable situation as much in his favor as humanly possible so he could control it. And while that certainly sounds understandable, it's tremendously ineffective, for all the reasons I just outlined. I would try as best as I could to discourage all his questions and attempts at control, and try to guide him toward the read I wanted from him, which was the one only he could give as a unique artist unto himself. Same individualized performance as I wanted from every actor who came in. I kept trying to encourage his letting go of all that preoccupation, as I knew it would get in his way, and I didn't want that for him or for any of the actors I invited in to audition. Sometimes he trusted me, and other times, not so much.

During the Writers' Strike of 1988, I decided to change my quality of life and get out of Los Angeles. I moved to Seattle and set up a casting company up there that I ran for the next 26 years, to the day after I opened. After I moved, I started noticing that Bryan was starting to get more work. Bryan's a series lead on "Malcolm in the Middle." On "Breaking Bad." Bryan's nominated for an Emmy, and wins! Bryan's nominated for an Oscar! It was clear he had broken through. When someone put a camera in front of him and asked him if he had any advice for actors, he came up with what you hear in the attached video below. I'm not going to take credit for his change of tactic, as I imagine a number of others told him similar things to those I told him during our auditions. But it's clear that discarding his old modus operandi of trying to "get" something was tremendously effective for him, no matter how his shift in thinking came about.

Too often, many of us engaged in a business pitch, an audition, a job interview, or any number of other outreaches, spend time being afraid of losing something we ironically don't currently have in the first place. We end up playing not to lose instead of realizing we've already won getting the chance to do and share something that could be enormously fun. George Clooney referred to auditioning as "playing with house money." In other words, getting to play, with nothing to lose. Something we all knew at one time, when we played as kids with nothing at stake and nothing to lose. And when we're filled up like that, all there is, is to share, and radiate. And that's what moves the needle in all our relationships.

How is this best done during my coaching work? By removing obstacles, instead of adding things to remember like most coaching endeavors unwittingly do. In short, removing friction instead of adding fuel. And it works much faster and requires far less to remember, when you've already got enough things to think about. I love watching "beingness" take hold of a client. Easily my favorite part of the gig.